Pairing off or Pear-shaped?

By CATTLEPROD on 10:11 PM

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The path of least resistance is my preferred route. However, when two paths diverge in a wood, I invariably take the one less traveled by, because I like to do things differently. It spices life up a bit. Now that brings me to an impasse in my metaphors, since the path less traveled is more often than not the path of significant resistance. But out of singlehood or coupledom, which would you think, as a guy, would be the path of least resistance?

The single man sees life from a very simple point of view: Beer, rugby, Playstation, cars, and spading – hopefully leading to banging uglies together with a fit specimen of the opposite gender (of the same species). He barely accepts the fact that banging uglies together may lead to coupledom. This is a kind of quid pro quo situation. Women don’t usually just invite men into their pants (regularly) without expecting some form of partnering. If getting his greens means he has to be attached then he will just have to put up with it, and travel that path reluctantly.

Of course this is the viewpoint of the single man and usually the one that is commitment phobic, is still too attached to his mommy, or simply has never been able to successfully hold a relationship together for very long. He sees the path less traveled as a dark and scary place. A road he must travel begrudgingly to get to the holy grail of punani.

However, once this path has been traveled a couple of times, he learns (hopefully) that coupledom and its benefits far outweigh the single life. Sure there’s the adjustment and certain handbrakes on his freedoms, but let’s consider the following in terms he will understand: Being single is like buying a Lotto ticket every week. You’re holding out for that big win, but you either get nothing or some piffling amount in return. A total waste of time. In a relationship, you’ve won the Lotto. You’re dipping your wick as regularly as you could please… and with a partner of your choosing. Not some beer-improved swamp donkey.

Take the Durex Sex Survey as an example of the benefits (in easily understood terms for the male brain):
* Couples living together report having sex 146 times per year.
* Married couples have sex 98 times per year.
* Single folks are having sex the least at 49 times a year.

So… my guy, your praising of the single life and all the honeys you’re getting is a tad off balance now isn’t it? Your shacked up mate is bonking away like Woody Woodpecker on an ephedrine overdose, while you probably polish your turtle while watching the soft porn on ETV every lonely Friday night.

Of course, this isn’t as easy as it seems. You can’t simply find a worthy partner to hold your hand down that dark and scary path of coupledom. They’re damn hard to find… well the good ones at least.

So where does that leave the single guy? Still on the hunt I’m afraid, but hopefully more determined to make the next one work, so that he too, may actually be able to boast that he’s a stud, instead of some lonely masturbator.

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