Rape-aXe: Female Condom With Teeth

By CATTLEPROD on 11:42 PM

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Rape-aXe: Female Condom With Teeth

Rape-aXe - The anti-rape device that is a female condom with barbs. This rape prevention device is like a medieval torture device that attaches to the male penis like a freakish alien, using barbs and spikes, thus preventing rape. The women inserts this dangerous latex sheath like a tampon and woe betide the rapist perpetrator!

Friday Smile: Taking the dog for a walk

By CATTLEPROD on 12:47 PM

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"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat..." 

"What's that mean?" askes the child. 

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage." 

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come ask you." 

Dad says, "Ok, but Bring Belle over here first." He then takes an oilrag, soaks it with petrol, and scrubs the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and says "All good, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."  

The little girl leaves but returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asks, "Where's Belle?" 

The little girl replies, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

Devil's Pool! Can you swim in a pool at the edge of Victoria Falls?

By CATTLEPROD on 10:44 AM

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Can you swim in a pool at the edge of Victoria Falls?

I've been to Vic Falls twice and both times I was absolutely awe-struck. It is definitely one of the most amazing sites one could possibly wish to see. As Livingstone first described it: "Scenes so lovely must have been gazed upon by angels in their flight".

Simply visiting the Victoria Falls is enough to blow your mind, but there's an activity even more incredible: Swimming in Devil's Pool on the EDGE of the Vic Falls.

This is something that has been firmly put down on my bucket list. What about you?

Click here to read about Devil's Pool

HOME OF HOPE NEEDS HELP

By CATTLEPROD on 8:34 PM

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To all my friends, I'd like to introduce you to The Home of Hope. This is one of the most incredible charities I have come across. I hardly ever request people to do anything online - besides be subjected to my posts :p - but please could you take the time to familiarise yourself with The Home of Hope. Please join the Facebook group and read up more about The Home of Hope. It truly is a charity making a positive impact in the lives of many girls in the Jo'burg CBD, effectively freeing them from slavery, drug abuse, physical abuse, prostitution, rape, paedophilia and the horrific list goes on. Give them hope!

PLEASE can you invite all your friends, spread the word, get involved yourself, any small gesture is appreciated.

Thanking you in advance,

Rob

Dear Friends of Home of Hope.

This message is a request for help to fundraise for a new residence for The Home of Hope (please click here and join the group and find more info). We want a safe Shelter for our girls who've been rescued from the streets of Johannesburg.

The Home of Hope has done extraordinary work for the past 10 years. At the moment we have 50 girls sharing an apartment in Hillbrow. Although the apartment is immaculate and the girls are grateful for a safe bed, it’s not an ideal situation.

One of the major challenges for The Home of Hope is that social services will not grant the approximate R700 per child per month while they operate from a rented flat in a sectional title. If The Home of Hope owned the building we would be entitled to receive a small steady income that would help the day to day running of the Shelter.

On the positive side we have a few generous organisations and people working hard at making sure the girls get well fed, have transport to school, lots of extra learning and stimulation. We also have a fantastic team of volunteers doing everything from running monthly sales of second hand goods to creating a professional image, web site and fund raising documents (still being developed).

We’ve found a small building in Bellevue with 4 large apartments. Each apartment has 3 large bedrooms. If we used 3 apartments for sleeping in, with 9 bedrooms and 6 girls in each room, 54 girls would sleep comfortably. The extra apartment could be used as a living space. The outside backyard would mean no one has to sit and guard the washing line!

The building is for sale for R1,000,000 plus approximately R100,000 transfer fees and VAT etc. As of 23 June 2010 we have two confirmed anonymous donations, one of R100,000 and one of R20,000.

If you are at all keen to assist with funds or want to just stay in the loop as we progress with the fundraising, please don’t hesitate to call any of the contacts below.

Please feel free to forward this letter onto your friends and spread the word about Home of Hope.

We have 2 NPO organisations – one is Home of Hope Berea Hillbrow – NPO 019857. Home of Hope Website. Another is SOLSA – Seeds of Light South Africa, NPO 032813 SOLSA.

Both NPO’s can give you a 18A Tax exempt certificate on donations received. To hold the funds specifically for the purchase of our new Home.

Rasada Goldblatt – SOLSA – 082 902 0081 or 011 7821542
Rachel Rusznyak – SOLSA – 082 684 3852
Khanyi Motsa – Founder of Home of Hope – 073 – 250 2086
Jayne Davies – Volunteer at Home of Hope – 082 338 4339

In love and light, from all the Residents at The Home of Hope :)

What is Ignosticism?

By CATTLEPROD on 12:13 AM

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What is Ignosticism?

I'm an ignostic. It's a position I've come to after years of agnosticism. It's a relatively new concept, but it's about as logical as they come. Please read the Hub (written by me) on the above link and tell me what you think. I'd love to hear your feedback.

GET YOUR DICKENS CIDER TODAY

By CATTLEPROD on 10:41 AM

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I have been dabbling with this homebrew kit for a while. My first attempt at beer was an abortion. I ended up using the results to fix the hole in my exhaust. After repeated failed attempts, I decided to turn my attention to cider. This girlie drink has exploded onto the market, and I am sure there is space in the worldwide cider market for another brand.

I found a choice apple supplier from Ceres in the Cape. Only the best apples will do for this amazing brew. My first batch was a phenomenal success. The first taste tester was my girlfriend. I handed over the first ever bottle of Dickens Cider and all hell broke loose!

Now she loves a Dickens Cider after a good meal. She loves it on lazy Sunday afternoons. In fact, she also loves a bit of Dickens Cider in the morning too. It's gotten so bad that I need to hide the stuff. I now put my Dickens Cider all over the house, in some very strange places. But it doesn't help. She loves Dickens Cider all the time. After too much Dickens Cider she is mos stukkend. Be careful with this stuff.

I even brought some to work on a Friday afternoon and all the girls went mad. The secretary just couldn't get enough Dickens Cider. I'm a bit worried about it being approved by the Beverage Board, but the reaction from my test subjects has been exceptional. After conducting the pre-launch tests, I have concluded that every single girl would love some Dickens Cider. There is one exception though – Lesbians. Not one lesbian I tested liked Dickens Cider. One couldn’t even imagine having a Dickens Cider. Ever. They prefer beer apparently.

There is a small warning on the label though. Sometimes a girl just doesn’t feel like a Dickens Cider. Could be hormones or something, I haven’t tested it properly. So don’t get your Dickens Cider until you are sure she really wants one. In fact, I have seen one girl who had a Dickens Cider, then another one, and then even another one! She was really good at swallowing. But, this is the exception to the rule. The majority of test subjects just like having one.

Anyway, place your orders now! The stuff is selling better than Viagra. In fact, Pfizer approached me to do some co-branding. With each six-pack, you also get a free prescription of Viagra. So pop the little blue miracle pill and then ask your girlfriend if she wants a Dickens Cider.

If my girlfriend is anything to go by, your girlfriend will love it too. In fact, she’s about to have some more of my Dickens Cider as we speak! Gotta go…

*** For the record, my name is Rob Dickens, so you know that this stuff is original *** 

By CATTLEPROD on 6:00 AM

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Follow the World Cup on Twitter: http://ping.fm/VkViO

F**k you, emigrant!

By CATTLEPROD on 12:21 AM

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This is a blog I wrote in 2008 and was approached by a publisher to include it in a book. The book is going to be called "Torn in the New SA" to be published soon
Fuck You, Emigrant
by Rob Dickens

All it takes for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing.* I come across as a judgmental patriotic fundamentalist with an optimistic streak that would make both Gandhi and Mandela give me a slowclap. I come down on emigrants with great vengeance and furious anger. I judge them. It’s a very sensitive subject because you touch on a nerve. You know that they have that niggling guilt. That’s why they spring to their own defense like a tigress defending her young. They must justify their decisions, lest that niggling doubt become more than just a niggle. It’s tough to leave your home. Really tough. It’s a hard slog. A challenge and once met it can seem like a great decision.

A great personal decision that will benefit your life, perhaps your family’s life too. You feel safe and comfortable, and you believe your family to be safe and comfortable. And who the fuck is Dickens to fucking judge that decision? How the fuck can this asshole begrudge anyone the freedom to choose their own comfort level in life? What a plonker?

On an individual level you’d be right. I should not begrudge people a decision like that. They are free to do what they want. But I don’t think on such personal levels alone. To me, I always, always see a bigger picture. Much larger than you or I, or my family and yours. Perhaps I start looking at a picture that is the size of South Africa. My home, all of its people. Hell, it’s a microcosm of the developing world. It’s a microcosm of every single battle that humanity has ever had to face: economically, socially, philosophically, religiously, politically. We have it all. A daily battle to prove that the evils of this world can and will succumb to the power of good.

All it takes for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing. Worse still is turn your back and leave. This is bigger than just you and me. This is bigger than your family and mine. This is bigger than South Africa. This is humanity. The war wages between what is considered good and what is considered evil. This country is the frontline of that battle. History and fate have determined that this is where we bunker down. The Rainbow Nation, a melting pot of cultures. The foremost African nation. The chance to prove ourselves. The opportunity to be a part of history. To write it. To stare down the seemingly insurmountable challenges and succeed. What a grand opportunity? Amazing. A gift really. An opportunity to literally be a part of history in the making. To write the lines in the history books, sentence by sentence, word by word. Or one could see this challenge and be overcome. One could see this challenge and decide that the effort and perhaps even the cost, is too much. You need to ask yourself what sort of cost you are looking at? You also need to ask yourself what sort of a life you are participating in?

You do a job, they give you money, you buy shit, you consume and you aggregate things, technological gadgets and a house. Every now and then they let you out of your cage to go on a holiday. Pre-packaged bullshit usually. Fast food leisure. You get back to your hamster wheel with vague memories and some good digital photos. Your little world is comfortable. Your little world feels safe. You feel happy. You will live out your years doing this repeatedly.

But what have you done? Nothing. You fled the country of your birth for the comfort of another culture. You turned your back on your home country and its entire people. You didn’t think of anybody else but yourself (and your family). Did you ever actually make an effort to change this place? Did you ever actually help your fellow South Africans? Do you honestly think, when the history books are written that they will applaud you?

I don’t do enough, but I try my goddamned hardest all the time to make a difference. I preach this gospel all the time. I fight a wave of pessimism that would dwarf the largest tsunami. I fight a surge of selfishness. I wish the world could become more comfortable with selflessness. With civic duty. With that feeling that your fellow man is greater than you. Humanity is greater than you and suffering must be eased. Not just your own suffering... all suffering.

All that it takes for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing. Emigration condemns us all. Stand and fight courageously or turn your back and leave. I am a part of this country. I am a part of its people. An injury to one is an injury to all. We need to rally together to fight the minority. The majority has overcome hardship before. Three centuries of hardship. We can do it again. I ask people to think beyond your little world. Beyond your job, your house, your car, your family. It takes a large amount of guts to do that. To think of your fellow man. Your fellow South African. Let’s improve our lot. All of us.

Two quotes resound in my memory: You have nothing to fear, but fear itself. Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country. I’m astounded to hear that the country of your birth, that nurtured you until you were successful enough to be able to leave... You tell that country to fuck off and die. I harbour no beneficent feelings towards that attitude whatsoever. I think it is selfish. You could have done something. You could have lifted your ass off of that fucking couch in front of your plasma fucking television and fought for this place. You could have done something. But you didn’t.

All that it takes for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing. I’m staying and I’m going to do something about it.

*The original quote is by Edmund Burke, a 19 th century English political
philosopher: All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.

Pixelophilia

By CATTLEPROD on 8:29 PM

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There's a distinct market niche in nostalgia. It's the 25-40 generation that's got the most expendable income and as they start to deal with the harsh reality of the unstoppable juggernaut of time, they hark back to their carefree youth... in this case the 80's. For example, you'll notice that the A-Team is coming back in a movie (With South Africa's own Sharlto Copley - District 9's Wikus -  playing Murdock).


But I've also noticed another trend and that's pixelation. Moore's Law translates to a blindingly fast evolution in technology and, having grown up alongside the home PC, I feel a certain nostalgic pang when reminiscing about my Atari 800XL. This is where my love of computing technology began.

This is it here on the right. First we had cartridges that went into the slot you see there on the keyboard, then we upgraded to a cassette drive (top right) and then onto the awesome floppy drive (top left).

8-bit is the shit!




Back to this pixelation trend. Check out this awesome video:


And here follows an exploration in to all things 8-bit:

This is a brilliant advert for a camera. 


I LOVE these pixelated nude/pr0n oil paintings by Adam Connelly




Which brings me to these pixelated 3D images by French photographer Jean Yves Lemoigne.


Remember these days?

How about a pixelated watch?


OR the pixelated glasses range called "6dpi" by contemporary designer Dzmitry Samal. WANT!
And I also <3 this pixelated fabric design from Royal College of Art graduate (UK) Cristian Zuzunaga and purchased by Kvadrat.
 Check out Rubikcubism:

Some pixel art here:

Street Art:

8-Bit oven glove from ThinkGeek:

This is just coleslawesome! Pixelated light:

Pixelated wallpaper:


Or Space Invader Wall Decals which I'm planning on using at my place:

 8-bit tie (emo haircut not included)


Pixelated beads by Flickr user foglera:

Pixelated coasters that unfold... yes, that just happened:  


Mosaic Mario table:

 His and Hers Mario shirts:  


8-bit Marioflage hoodie:

And earn money by making your own pixelated shirts HERE


Er... Girly pixelated Glock, with reborn Christian fish on it... "When you absolutely, positively gotta kill every sinning motherfucker in the room"?


And how's this for the raddest Halloween outfit? Pixelated make-up!

Of course, there has to be pixelated tattoos too:

Not pixelated, but isn't this the coolest iPad "case" ever?



Post-Its lend themselves to pixelated art:

Even churches are getting in on the pixel trend:

I'll finish off with the kickass "My desk is 8-bit" video:


And lastly... even my company logo is pixel-inspired (by my mates at Department Fu):

Thoughts on Kylie's new video and QR Codes

By CATTLEPROD on 9:01 PM

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Kylie Minogue's video for her new song "All the Lovers" (off the album Aphrodite) features a veritable orgy. Kylie stands/sprawls atop a growing hillock of underwear clad beautiful people as she sings calming words to assuage her new lover's worries about her past lovers (Well, at least in my artistic critique of the song). And if the throbbing human volcano underneath her is an indication of past lovers, then our Kylie has certainly been around the block... the bisexual block at that.


It's your typical music video marketing:
Hot babes in lingerie - TICK
Hot dudes in Calvin Klein skivvies - TICK
Girls playing tonsil hockey - TICK (and big TICK for the bisexual/gay trend - Remember Madonna and Britney kissing at MTV Music Awards and more recently Adam Lambert kissing a guy and simulating fellatio? It's de rigeur darling.)
Guys playing tonsil hockey - TICK (and see above)
Throw in some white doves for good measure and you've got permanent rotation on the music channels for sure.

But what I did happen to catch in the first few seconds of the video is a sneaky little QR Code. (and then a few other times... okay, okay, I didn't see the other ones, I read about them on another blog... I was too busy *cough* being distracted)


And some kind soul called Tom O on this website has reconstructed the coffee cup QR Code here:
Now if you download an app like the Upcode app I use on my Nokia E72, you will see that this image reads LOVE. Nifty! Yet I can't help but think that they have only dipped their toes in the water here. QR Codes can be used to represent URLs, Text, SMS, email message, email address, contact details (VCard) or Google Maps location. This QR Code, no matter how subtly embedded in the vid, would be noticed and reconstructed (as it has been) and this could direct people to an exclusive "behind the scenes" video, or an interview with Kylie, or a music download site, or... anything really. Missed opportunity.

QR Codes will start becoming very common. Basically your mobile phone is now your own personal handheld code scanner. I'm currently working on getting one of my clients to use QR Codes in a very creative way... but that will have to be a secret until I can convince them of the value.

But let's look at some applications that you should be using now. My business cards will soon have the QR Code to my website on them. You could link to anything. Your FB profile, Twitter account etc. Here's a pic of a QR code on a very cool business card:



Next time you hold an event or have a stand at an event... preferably with promo girls, why not give them temporary QR code tattoos?
THIS -->>


PLUS THIS -->>


EQUALS FTW! (I'll give a Noddy badge to the person who guesses my suggestion for QR Code placement on the above promo model)

Or how about making t-shirts? (It's bent, but apparently reads "Give me a hug")






















Here's my all time favourite ZOO Weekly model Keeley Hazell directing you to The Sun website:





















Mashable shows some more uses HERE. But one of the most creative uses I've yet found is what's called QRBall, like a QR Code Paintball.

Here's how it works:
Install a QR reader on your mobile. 
Everyone playing the game wears a tshirt or other item of clothing with a special QR code on the back (and possibly on the front, too)
Everyone playing the game stays within a pre-arranged area - the 'warzone'.
Someone 'shoots' your barcode with their phone, and you get a text message saying you've been shot, and you're out of the game - although you should try to shoot them first.
Once shot, you proceed to a pre-arranged area out of the warzone and have a drink with your fellow casualties.

I've generated a QR Code for you to try out with your phone:

I'd love to hear your suggestions on applications of QR codes. I keep getting reminded of my old raver days, chasing around trying to find info on where the party was going down. This would be perfect for treasure hunt style games.

Paying the bills :p Kylie's new album 'Aphrodite' is released on Parlophone records and will be available on July 5. Pre-order now:



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