GET YOUR DICKENS CIDER TODAY

By CATTLEPROD on 10:41 AM

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I have been dabbling with this homebrew kit for a while. My first attempt at beer was an abortion. I ended up using the results to fix the hole in my exhaust. After repeated failed attempts, I decided to turn my attention to cider. This girlie drink has exploded onto the market, and I am sure there is space in the worldwide cider market for another brand.

I found a choice apple supplier from Ceres in the Cape. Only the best apples will do for this amazing brew. My first batch was a phenomenal success. The first taste tester was my girlfriend. I handed over the first ever bottle of Dickens Cider and all hell broke loose!

Now she loves a Dickens Cider after a good meal. She loves it on lazy Sunday afternoons. In fact, she also loves a bit of Dickens Cider in the morning too. It's gotten so bad that I need to hide the stuff. I now put my Dickens Cider all over the house, in some very strange places. But it doesn't help. She loves Dickens Cider all the time. After too much Dickens Cider she is mos stukkend. Be careful with this stuff.

I even brought some to work on a Friday afternoon and all the girls went mad. The secretary just couldn't get enough Dickens Cider. I'm a bit worried about it being approved by the Beverage Board, but the reaction from my test subjects has been exceptional. After conducting the pre-launch tests, I have concluded that every single girl would love some Dickens Cider. There is one exception though – Lesbians. Not one lesbian I tested liked Dickens Cider. One couldn’t even imagine having a Dickens Cider. Ever. They prefer beer apparently.

There is a small warning on the label though. Sometimes a girl just doesn’t feel like a Dickens Cider. Could be hormones or something, I haven’t tested it properly. So don’t get your Dickens Cider until you are sure she really wants one. In fact, I have seen one girl who had a Dickens Cider, then another one, and then even another one! She was really good at swallowing. But, this is the exception to the rule. The majority of test subjects just like having one.

Anyway, place your orders now! The stuff is selling better than Viagra. In fact, Pfizer approached me to do some co-branding. With each six-pack, you also get a free prescription of Viagra. So pop the little blue miracle pill and then ask your girlfriend if she wants a Dickens Cider.

If my girlfriend is anything to go by, your girlfriend will love it too. In fact, she’s about to have some more of my Dickens Cider as we speak! Gotta go…

*** For the record, my name is Rob Dickens, so you know that this stuff is original *** 

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