My first letter to my girlfriend Kass


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WARNING: If you don't like schmaltzy love letters, do not read this hehehe. It's my first letter to Kass... written probably within 2 weeks of us dating. It's quite personal, but I wear my heart on a sleeve and I (modestly) think it's written quite well, so I'd like to share it. I also hope it'll encourage others to be more open and honest with their feelings. There's nothing quite like a public declaration :). So, satisfy your vicarious voyeurism into my life with this open-heated prose. Enjoy!

As much as I like to consider myself a wordsmith, I am often humbled by the inexplicable beauty that surrounds me. How is it possible to do justice to a perfect sunset with prose as your only implement? A paintbrush or photographic lens would aid in that quest, but mere words fall short. Yet the greatest playwrights of our time can stir emotions with an ease and fluidity incomparable to almost any other art form.

This verbose and ham-fisted introduction leaves me, once again, humbled. I simply cannot accurately express the emotions that are whirling, unbridled through my senses. It is a bittersweet conundrum.
I must let pure honesty be my muse. I must let raw emotion be my guide. I must let passion light the path. For I have to trust in that. This, above all, to thine own self be true, for it follows, as night does the day, thou canst then not be false to any man. Shakespearean genius has guided my life. That maxim has borne a self-realisation that can only be described as an epiphany. And this has piloted me to this point in time.

Forgive my convoluted prologue, but I feel what I’m about to say requires the correct amount of opprobrium. Indeed I will have lost practically all readers with these “big words”. I am not penning this epistle for your public benefit. It is not colloquial. It is simply what flows from my thoughts as I attempt to elucidate my emotions. Lost language. Sadly.

However, it does mean that the person, to whom this is directed, might perchance begin to comprehend the depths of sentiment.


My love.

It is not often, in this lifetime, that one experiences epiphanies. Life-altering explosions of lucidity. Vision beyond sight. Where once was godforsaken chaos, now resides a singular poignant phenomenon.
True love. Pure, unadulterated love.

Purity so exquisite, so rare and so intense that it has the ability to floor me.

Admittedly, I am a slave to my emotions. To thine own self be true. I trust myself implicitly. If I feel it, I go with it. Not the most prudent way of experiencing life... perhaps, but I cannot and will not experience life in any other way, bar its rawest and most pure form.

You can only open yourself to experiencing life in this way once you forego fear. I am fearless, with one exception. Emotional pain is one of the only things in life from which you cannot escape. Humans are innately fallible. You may be able to be true to yourself and trust yourself, but you can never predict another’s behaviour. And you can never blame their behaviour. Humans are fallible. All of us. Yet... after this long-winded explanation, I do not fear my heart in your hands. Despite fallibility.

Why do I trust you with my most precious and guarded possession? My heart. I trust you with it, Kassie, because you are a pure being. You are understanding of the fallibility of humans, but you are willing to have faith in them anyway. In fact, your faith, just like mine, is impossible to wrench asunder. We have faith in people and in life. We believe, wholeheartedly, in the glory of humanity. The beauty of the human race. That beauty, most often, lies in raw honest emotion. Humans are at their most glorious when they express true, pure emotion.

We both see that. To jump off the “big word” bandwagon for a sec... It’s like we see The Matrix. The Matrix of genuine human existence. It’s not about your job, your money, your car, your clothes.

It’s about being true to yourself. Being true to your existence. EXPERIENCING your existence. As Henry David Thoreau put it: Sucking the marrow out of life.

FULL QUOTE: “I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life. To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die, Discover that I had not lived.” - Henry David Thoreau

We both feed hungrily on that bone. Okay, crappy extended metaphor hehehe

I love you for all that you are Kassie. The purity of your being. The acceptance of yourself. The admittance that you may not know everything, but you’re willing to give it a try. Your hunger for knowledge and self-awareness. Your unadulterated pleasure at the simple things in life. Your innocent enjoyment of complex, even worrisome theories. Your lustful embrace of physical experiences. Your wisdom beyond your years, which is remarkable. Your unique spirit. Your utterly addictive laugh.

Which brings me to what I love about you from the outside. I could literally list an entire dictionary of superlatives here, but it’s what I have already said that makes you glow from the inside and that’s the beauty that clouds my judgment on days when I should be concentrating on other things. ;)

Fuck. I’m sitting here, closing my eyes, remembering the essence of you. Taking a breath as the breeze caresses my face, trying to recollect your scent. Recalling the feeling of your skin against mine.

I’m trying to put a finger on it, Kassie. I’m trying to corral and lasso that raging beast that is my love for you and I want to understand it. I want to pick it apart bit by tiny bit and truly harness and comprehend why you make me so ineffably besotted. It’s tough, because you are so intricately put together in the most stupefying and beautiful way. You are an enigma of beauty. A glorious haunting spectre in my heart.

I love you, Kassie Joanne Stephens.

I love you with every fibre of my being.

It’s all yours. Every fibre. I give it to you willingly.

Just know that you are loved, by me. Ineffably.

If I had to sum it all up... you make the world more beautiful. You make me want to be the person that I want to be. In fact, I can already feel myself becoming that person. It’s like you’ve awoken my soul.

I love you.

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