I was reading my local newspaper the other day. Okay, newspaper is a bit of a compliment to these things as they mainly deal with localised news, but I can't help myself really. I like to read and understand stuff that's going on in the direct vicinity of my bachelor pad.

So I'm browsing the newspaper and before I get into the actual pith of this blog I have to relate something I found therein that had the power to make me guffaw out loud, and I quote from the classified section:

2005: Do you want the advantage of a fresh start? Capitalize on new year's resolutions with the benefit of a career as a bonus. No door to doos sales.

And I stopped there LMAO

BWAAAHAHAHAHA Door to doos!!! BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA And for our non-Afrikaans sprekendes a doos is a rather uncouth term for a woman's intimate plumbing so to speak.

However, this pleasant experience was marred by a letter posted by the regional manager of the Randburg SPCA. This organisation has my complete respect, but this letter damaged that respect an iota. The title of the letter is 'Take a stance against pets as prey.'

Basically the gist of the letter admonishes pet stores that sell live animals as food for other pets. Like baby mice and rats for snakes and some lizards. It even quotes the Animal Protection Act that says 'releasing any animal into a situation where it is likely to be attacked is a violation which could lead to criminal prosecution'. Frankly, I find this rather pathetic. I am an animal lover, but for jiminy's sakes the SPCA should not be meddling in areas awash with a penumbra of grey. Firstly, what the hell are these poor snakes and lizards supposed to eat? Some of them will not eat dead prey. They must eat live rats or mice or whatever. Secondly, surely a farmer selling cows to an abattoir would be committing the same offence? The McDonalds-destined bovine is being released into a situation where it is undoubtedly going to be attacked by a rather fatal bolt into its medulla oblongata. Et voila, super size me!

This stance would probably not go amiss under the Bush administration which believes in highly puritanical federal meddling. Does this act also extend to earthworms and platannas (a type of frog/toad)? I ask this because I have personally dispatched a number of these creatures into a rather volatile and precipitous situation where they are under attack by voracious piscatorial beasties. I am guilty your honour. What about arresting an impala doe for the birth of her little baby in the Kruger Park? She is undoubtedly releasing the poor ungulate into a situation where it may be attacked by any number of gnashing-mawed predators.

I am opposed to any law which seemingly disparages natural law. The food chain is cruel, but it seems to work okay.

Listen to this emotive and florid twaddle: "The complainant who reported the incident was horrified, and is unable to get the image of these helpless babies wriggling among the lizards out of her mind. This incident occurred while the callous shop owner and an assistant stood and watched the proceedings"

Freakin bunny huggers I tell ya. Has she never watched the Discovery Channel? Try watching the annual migration of the Wildebeest in Tanzania and Kenya. Huge Nile crocodiles feasting heartily on fillet de wildebeeest. Disgusting really. We must put a stop to it immediately. How could this be allowed to happen? We should be living in a telly tubby world complete with a laughing baby face sun.

These idiots have clearly removed themselves so far from reality that they see themselves as gods. The laws of nature decree that those lower down on the food chain can and will be eaten, often horrifically and while still alive, torn limb from limb, by those luckily enough to be a victim of circumstance and thus born higher up on said food chain. Humans, being omnivorous, and the apex predator in any given food chain, are welcome to chow down on whatever they see fit. Lowly snakes and lizards are therefore welcome to snack on the odd live baby cutesy widdle mousey or even bunny for that matter.

In fact, a large 4-metre constrictor python could be described as the greatest bunny hugger of all time. Give em a live bunny and they are sure to hug it to death. Which reminds me of a great joke:

Cute eight-year-old Amy, complete with pig tails, walks into her local pet store. The pet store owner, an amiable old fella, can't resist her cuteness and bends down on his knees and says:
"What are you looking for little girl?"
She responds while toying with her pig tail "I'm looking for a widdle wabby."
"Ah," he smiles, "Well we have all sorts of wabbies here. Would you like a bwown wabby like that one over there. Or would you like a widdle fluffy one like that one. Or perhaps you like that spotted black and white wabby in the corner?"

She replies with a little frown on her cute forehead: "I don't fink my pyfon weally gives a fuck!"